A Baby Bathwater story
Ten days before launch, a member of this group asked for help.
It started with one post. Here is what happened, and why I'm running the same speed report free for any member here.
Justin Gordon, founder of ShakaCode, maintainer of React on Rails, and a member here like you.
How it started
A beautiful new brand, a dated store still behind it, and a Bitcoin stage debut in ten days.
Don DeVange, a member here who runs the agency D2 Creative, posted an urgent ask: his client Snorkel was about to debut the HashTub (a cedar hot tub heated by a water-cooled Bitcoin miner, yes, really) on stage at Bitcoin 2026. Snorkel's owner, Michael Diederich, had a beautiful new brand, but the store behind it, in Michael's own words, "threw you back fifteen years." Ten days on the clock, and a date that could not move.
The group came through. I pulled in three senior engineers from my team to finish the new store alongside Don's team and make it fast. We shipped on the date.
The result
Michael debuted on stage with the new site live behind him.
On a phone, that is often the difference between keeping a visitor and losing one. The heaviest page also went from a 64MB download to 7MB.
From "can you help" to a launch on stage. We finished the new store alongside Don's team and shipped on the deadline.
The live store kept selling the entire time we worked on the new one. Not a single checkout broke.
"Now it's super slick. I don't know what wizardry and magic you put into that, but that was a big impact for me."
Michael Diederich, owner of Snorkel, after debuting the HashTub on stage at Bitcoin 2026
Speeding up sites is what my team does, for stores, apps, and funnels where slow pages cost real customers. We measure every result the same way: the original site and the optimized version, run on two servers under the same conditions, so the gain is a real number, not an estimate. Read the full Snorkel story →
The report
This is the report you would get.
Every one opens the same way: your homepage loading on a phone, frame by frame, the way your slowest visitor sees it on a slower mobile connection, the kind you hit in a packed conference hall. This is a recent run on Snorkel's live homepage today, the same read you would get for yours.
Every report opens with a plain-English verdict, written by our AI and reviewed by our performance team: one line on whether your site is good, okay, or has a real problem, why it is slow, and what that is costing you in customers who never came back.
Get one for your site
Want the same read on your own site?
You probably already have a team or an agency, so you don't need another vendor. But site speed is the last thing you have time to babysit, and nobody hands you a straight answer on whether it is quietly costing you customers. That is the whole reason this exists.
- 1
Send me a link or two
The pages you care about most, your site or a client's. Nothing to install.
- 2
Our AI films and measures it
The way your slowest customer loads it: on a phone, on a crowded network, no shortcuts.
- 3
You get the report
Every frame of your page loading, the real numbers, and the verdict our AI writes and our team checks before it reaches you.
A few quick answers
Before you send a link
Is this going to turn into a sales call?
No call unless you ask for one. You get a written report by email; if it makes you want to talk, you reply. If it does not, that is genuinely fine.
What if I already have a team?
No problem. Hand it straight to your developers or agency: they get a clear picture of what is slow and where, with none of the guesswork. And if you run an agency yourself, it is a quick check on a new client before you scope the work.
Is it really free?
Yes. One link, one report, free. The automation does most of the work, our AI drafts the verdict, and our team checks it, which is the only reason I can run these for the whole group. If it turns up something worth fixing and you want a hand, you can ask, but I will not chase you. And if your site is already fast, I will tell you that in a line.
Send me your link.
I'll send your report back in a few days. It's free.
Or just email me at justin@shakacode.com. I only test public pages, nothing behind a login.